Expectations

One of my favorite sayings/quotes was always this, "Blessed is the man with no expectations, for he shall never be disappointed."

I've realized now, and on many other separate occasions, that I am a huge hypocrite. I love that quote so much but don't live it out in my day to day life. My relationships haven't gone the way that I've expected them to, and I think that's partly because we never discussed each others' expectations until they weren't being met. Maybe that's not something you delve into right off the bat with someone, but it should (and will) come up in due time. What qualities do you expect in a significant other? With each experience I find my list of expectations growing longer and longer, making me wonder whether its possible to find someone on this hemisphere of the earth that would qualify. If such a person did exist, what would their list of expectations look like, are they reasonable, and could I meet any or most of them? If I were lucky enough to stumble upon someone who met my every desire, would I be able to meet theirs, or be willing to do so? I've decided to take a second glance at the things I expect from others, cross off the things I cannot offer in return, and strive to improve the things that I can. Take a look at your own list of expectations, and reconsider the ones that you couldn't or wouldn't reciprocate if they were being asked of you. I'm not suggesting to have low standards by any means, but only to be fair, to others and yourself.

Gold Dollar Guy

There is one customer who always brightens my days. We know him as "Gold Dollar Guy". At first, the only word he would muster to me was "breadsticks". I would get him his dozen, take his money, give him his change and that was the extent of our conversation. I had heard of Gold Dollar Guy but never experienced him firsthand or been able to put a face to the name.

Once, a male coworker came up to me while I was helping Gold Dollar Guy and asked, "Do you know where the flathead screwdriver is?" I told him, and was incredibly shocked as I heard Gold Dollar Guy crack up laughing as he said "Now why would you ask a girl where the screwdriver is?" Besides being so surprised he spoke more than one word, I was slightly offended. I replied "Because I knew where it was and he didn't". He chuckled at my response and handed me a gold dollar. I thanked him and dropped it in our tip jar. He removed it, held his hand out and said "Here, this isn't a tip. It's for you, because ya know, you're a good kid". I now knew I had met Gold Dollar Guy for sure.

He continues to come in weekly for his one bag of breadsticks, although once I've witnessed him buy two. If I have bread bagged up under the heat lamp when he comes in and immediately place it on the counter, he replies "What took you so long?". Sometimes I just laugh or make a smart ass remark. The last time I jokingly exclaimed "You know what, Sir? I'm really sick of your impatience! I'm trying to go as fast as I can, God!" He laughed, handed me a gold dollar, said "Now that's not a tip, it's for you. You're a good kid".

Today I saw him once again, but today he handed me a silver dollar. I thanked him. It hit me that none of us knew Gold Dollar Guy's actual name. Before he left I asked him what his name was. He introduced himself as Keith, and I introduced myself as Sarah. He said that was his mother's name. A great woman she must have been, to have raised such a kind gentleman. Thanks to your mom Keith, and thanks for all the gold dollars. You're the highlight of my every work day.

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Ahh, February 14th. The dreaded hallmark holiday by all singles. But don't watch romantic comedies in your pajamas all day masturbating with your own tears just yet. There are some ups to flying solo today. Those being:

You stay slimmer. According to a study from The University of North Carolina, women who live alone gained less weight than newly married women, about nine pounds over a five-year period. If she has what he's having, she'll probably pack on some pudge because men have a higher calorie allowance.

You sleep better. A National Sleep Foundation survey shows that two thirds of people who share a bed say their partner snores, which costs them an average of 49 minutes of shut eye per night.

You have steamier sex. A study from University College London reveals that single women report fewer bedroom issues such as anxiety, lack of interest, and low arousal than married women. Excitement over a new crush creates a surge in neurotransmitters, which cranks up your sex drive.

You enjoy more free time. Women increase their housework after marriage; men reduce theirs. Research from the University of Michigan Ann Arbor shows that singles indulge in seven extra hours a week that married women spend doing chores and like activities.

There's no pressure. When you're part of a "we", you're expected to make a bold gesture. Where there are expectations, there is the possibility of falling short. A day that's supposed to be filled of sappy quality time turns into a day of hellish stress. What if you bought the wrong color flowers? What if he hates the meal she cooked? What if someone forgot? What if you're too tired to have sex? What does that mean? BLAH

No faked enthusiasm. YES dear! AW, I love those pink and red M&Ms with our names on them that are just going to melt in the cupholders of our car. Truth is, some people just aren't excited about the little things. When you have a significant other, you have no real choice other than to paste on a smile and act like you think the oversize stuffed bear that says "I love you Beary Much!" on it isn't creepy, to avoid hurt feelings. By the way, don't buy an adult a stuffed animal.

Fewer expenses. All those big gestures can cost some serious cash. If you're on your own, you'll be saving yourself a bundle. Sure, we might shell out some cash on a few drinks, but that's not nearly as expensive as a diamond necklace or a fancy dinner for two, along with chocolates and whatever else you're "supposed" to get.

Butterflies. It's a great day to meet someone! Think of all the places you usually go. The bar, the club, etc. Everyone there today is most likely single. After a few drinks you may find yourself chatting up an attractive prospect and indulging in the butterflies of meeting someone new, while steady couples are going through the motions of getting it on. All those big gestures have to pay off somehow. It's comfortable, but not steamy. It may be fun, but it's not unexpected.

Moral of the story, be grateful for whatever situation you find yourself in this year. Single doesn't always mean Sad and sinful. Maybe just sinful ;)

Trust

Trust: The reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Trust is a tricky thing. It is earned, not given. Those which we choose to place this honor upon may deserve it. But sometimes, we grant someone trust in full confidence that they are worthy, only to be shown they were not. How do we know who is worthy and who we should avoid?
It amazes me how easily you can be wrong. There's people you think you can let into your world, your heart, your thoughts, your body. But once they get there, they play their own game. They ninja your brain into thinking they deserve the responsibility, only to use it to their utmost advantage or entertainment when the right moment presents itself.
The sad result of this being, eventually you learn to trust absolutely no one. It seems to be the only logical way to avoid letting others hurt you continuously and continuously. Its a way of life, and a hard one. And it fucking sucks.

Get Outside!

January Blues: The funk you enter when the holiday season is over. An unpleasant time featuring returning to school, crappy weather, Spring being far away, and all the movies are lousy.
Motivation to go outside, get fresh air (Which is great for your lungs because it cleans out dust from indoor air) and exercise is slim to none when its cold, snowy, and dark. Take advantage of the light days. Go outside in your snowpants, boots, hats and mittens to build a snowman, go winter disc golfing, create a snow fort and have a snowball fight. Snow angels are scarce nowadays. Play!
I finally was able to go play in the snow, run after my disc, sled down hills, and let the kid in me out. Its amazing what getting out and trudging through tons of snow will do for your body, mind, and spirit. I am no longer restless, can focus on homework, clean my room, and write. Next time you have a headache, bundle up and play. The outdoors have so much more to offer than you can imagine

Memories

Tonight my sister, brother-in-law and grandmother are over for my father's birthday. We had dinner, dessert and opened presents. The usual mundane family birthday activities. I retreated to my room afterwards to work on some papers I have due later this week, along with other homework.
Sooner or later someone suggests the whole "lets watch old home videos" game plan. I say "no, thanks" and continue work on my marvelous laptop. After a while I hear the echoes of the television seep through the walls as they often do. I hear my squeaky four year old voice, excitedly muttering something about Santa and my sister. I immediately know which home video this is. Christmas 1995. My eyes bulge out of my head as I open a gift that has a dalmation on it or something, a dinner plate or like objects. Everything I open I want to share with someone.
I hear the bells of "Santa" a.k.a. my Uncle, and the family makes a huge fuss over him as he walks through the front door carrying presents in arm. I talk so fast no one can understand me. I hear my late grandfather's voice directing me where to go, who to hug, and when to smile for a picture. This is the reason why I can't take a break and go watch our ridiculous antics with everyone else. If only he was here today to tell me where to turn, who to trust, and what I should do. I hear his voice travel through the walls and into my ears, soothing like an old melody you used to know. I had forgotten what it sounded like. God how I loved his voice.
For fear that tears will begin to flood my eyes, I'll stay in my safe room in the comfort of solitude. I know I'll never have a Christmas like that again. I'll never be so excited over a pillow, plate, or stuffed puppy. He'll never be there again to help me rip off bows, save me from his rabid cat, or listen to me follow along as we sing Rudolph the Rednose Reigndeer.
Seeing him along with hearing him would only push me over the edge. Maybe I need that, I don't know. It's too hard, so I run. I can't face him on a video, but I know he's right here with me, tattoed on my shoulder. Sometimes I forget he's there because I can't see him very well. That's sort of how it was when he was alive. He was always there even when I was too oblivious to know he was. When people we love die it leaves an open wound on our hearts. Although wounds heal and our platelets make our blood clot, the wound still leaves a scar and scabs over. Years can go by. But if something hits you just right, slices you deep enough, it can rip right open again. Maybe we need that. Maybe pain is a way to know that you're alive, and scars are a way to know that you have lived.

Eggs

Lets face it, eggs are delicious. They are delicious cooked by themselves, and we also use them as ingredients in many other foods. But who was the first person who thought to cook an egg? Take a second and think about how weird that concept is. Who was the first man or woman to see an egg come out of a chicken, know that somehow whatever is inside forms into a chick, and think to themselves, "hmm.....if i crack that open and heat it over the fire, it might taste good with some cooked wild boar bacon"? Exactly. MMMMMM! Chicken embryo! Sounds delicious to me. Or even if no one knew that a baby chicken would form from the goo, still. ITS GOO! I'm not sure about the rest of the population, but when I encounter a bodily fluid or substance, my first thought isn't "hey, I think I'll cook and eat this". That person was probably said to be crazy, until they convinced another person to try it. And even still, after cooking eggs and eating them became a common practice, who was then the first person who decided we needed them in order to make such things as cake, bread, etc? These discoveries could possibly have been by accident, as many discoveries are. Although I have no idea how that could've happened either. They probably took place long before written history. Caveman ages, whatever. Well, to whoever invented the concept of cooking and eating eggs, be it chicken or otherwise, our society thanks you.

P.S.- how did eggs become a signature breakfast food instead of dinner or lunch?

Ladies and Gentleman, thank you for tuning in to one of the many events of what goes on between my ears.